Needles Sappin' Mah Skin!

Does the phrase "Spy's sappin' my sentry!" mean anything to you? If so, I like you a little more already. If not, you must be part of the 99.8% of the populace that does not play Team Fortress 2. A lot of awesome games have come out in the last few years, but I always come back to TF2. Not only is it one of the funnest multiplayer experiences ever created, the Supreme Goodness that is Valve Software diligently, hilariously, and FREEly updates the game on a semi-regular basis with new weapons, game modes, accessories and HATS. Fuckin hats man. What started out as a team-based war simulation has become a war-based hat simulator, and the world is a better place for it.

People blah blah blah about Blizzard and WoW...psh, I escaped that crack house and I have no plans on going back. Fools yadda yadda yadda about Bungie and Halo...whatever, I watched my son play for awhile and it looked for all purposes to me like nothing more than a forum for idiots to team kill each other and grief their fellow humans whenever possible. It was like the AICN talkback section but with graphics. I'll pass. Actually, its good that those games exist...they keep undesirables out of my TF2 servers.

On to the point of this while thing.  I got a new tattoo, see?

 

Working From Home - The Good, The Bad & The Funny

Once again, The Oatmeal proves itself to be the more clever, more productive, more awesome version of my own subconscious. Having dabbled in working from home myself, I can say that all of this is absolutely true.

This Crap Will Too, But Wait!

We all know bacon is a delicious food sent down to earth by benevolent gods in the form of pigs (the bacon, not the gods, although there could be a pig god, how the hell would I know?), but that doesn't stop some folks from trying to vilify it.  Check out the infographic below and be armed with knowledge next time someone tries to talk their jibber jabber about our beloved Bacon.  Screw you Vegan, it could...maybe...kinda...be sort of good for you!  

Source: MedicalBillingSchool

That Crap'll Kill Ya

Saw this at Damn Cool Pics and thought I'd do my civic duty. People make all kinds of fuss about cigarettes and alcohol, but everyone thinks soda is FUN! Lets all go drink soda and make the world a better place! Not. Soda (or pop, as the weirdos around here call it) is fucking horrible for you. Like all things, its not so bad in moderation, but when I see some fat person buying a crate of soda the size of a suitcase it just bums me out. Ignorance is a killer, so edjimacate yourself you ignorant pinheads. Kisses!

Japanese People Are Weird - Picture Song

In the spirit of the last post about Polysics, here is a little video that claims Japanese people are weird, but honestly theres barely anything Japanese about it. I suppose it should be called "people find and post weird pics on the internet and some of them have Japanese people in them" but thats not as catchy...besides, Toughie is a giant dork so it all makes perfect sense if you think about it.

If that last part didn't make sense you're fine, just roll with it.

POLYSICS! or DIE!

It has been duly noted here and on the rest of the internet that the Japanese tend to do things...differently. Some are frightened by this cultural chasm, but I say Hell and Yes.

Polysics are a self described "technicolor pogo punk" band and its no surprise that vocalist and guitarist Hiroyuki Hayashi is obsessed with Devo. The band manages to channel that 80's new wave feel but infuse it with a crazy electric energy that is all their own.

Enough words, its really better to see for yourself.

*Random fact: The little girl in the first video is Strong Machine 2 (she was 11 in the video). She lives at a Buddhist temple with her father, who is not only the priest of the temple but also Strong Machine 1. Together they are STRONG MACHINE, ichiban robot dancing team!

Nothing To See Here

Pull the knife right out my back
Clean the blade and put it back
Pull the knife right out my back
Unless you're not quite done
Then go on and have more fun

---

There may be more, there may not. I can't really say at this point. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right?

Snoop Dogg & Sookie, Sitting in a Tree

OK, so Snoop Dogg has a new video in which he declares his love for Sookie Stackhouse of True Blood. He's got little Sookie-wannabe backup dancers and everything!

Seriously, what the eff. Rogue is pretty hot and I enjoy seeing her boobies and all, but damn! It seems like every guy in the world wants a piece of "Sukkee"...or at least Bill, Eric, Sam and now Snoop. 4 guys is almost every guy in the world, right?

Sometimes I just can't figure out reality.

Care Bears: Care Harder

Don't test these Care Bears, they will jack your sorry ass up.  You WILL care if these tubby lil' bears have anything to say about it, brother.

Its a Good Thing the Germans Didn't Have AT-STs

...or we would've been screwed.

Check out more cool Star Wars infused pics at Damn Cool Pics.

TIE Fighter Tuxedo Shirt Sends Nerd-o-Meter Into Overload

I'm not even going to try to put it better than Rob Bricken over at Topless Robot.

"It's so nerdy it becomes cool, then shoots right past cool to become nerdy again, then past cool one more time, and then right off nerdy's edge into the abyss."

I was going to link to the site where you can buy the shirt, but I don't think I want to be even partially responsible for anyone buying something so entirely nerdy.

Finally, Its Barry's Time to Shine

If ever a comic book character was long overdue for three dimensional rendering of itself, its this guy.  Barry Hubris only made one mistake in his crimefighting career, and that was trying to use the same name as a certain big blue crazy person with a fat flying sidekick.  The Tick gave him a beatdown for sure, but its OK because now he gets to hang out with all the other dude that have action figures.

Barry is a SDCC exclusive figure, so I guess I won't be getting one.  You won't either though, so that eases my pain a little.

Favorite Internet Thing Friday - Lazytown vs. Lil' Jon

This is wrong on so many levels, but damned funny on so many more.  I giggle like a fool every time I watch this.  Its one of those things where I think people watch it with me just to see my idiotic reaction to the video rather than the clip itself.

Aliens vs. Predator Fan Film is Making Hollywood Wince

A gentleman named Alex Popov made this little film with a few friends, some decent computers and $500.  Despite the obvious lack of budget, its absolutely amazing to see what this guy was able to do with so little cash. It also manages to be at least as entertaining as the last AvP movies Hollywood has spewed forth, since it has no plots about human characters no one gives two shits about.

I've always thought a great AvP movie would have no human characters and be told from the Predator's POV with subtitles.  Just 90 minutes of ass kickery with no douchebags getting in the way.  It'll never happen.  But this has, check it out.


AVP Redemption from Alex Popov on Vimeo.

Kids Are Cute, Evil

This site rules, and if you are a parent you should visit it. Its always nice to know that you're not the only one whose kids are destructive little monsters. Nature really does provide, because if most of these kids weren't so cute you know damn well they would've got dropped off at the Humane Society a long time ago. I tried to do that with my boy, but they saw right through the cat costume I had made for him and went "umm, thats just a kid with cat ears, a fake tail and a furry vest on, we can't take kids".   Those Humane Society employees don't miss a thing I tell ya, wily bastards.

Is Originality Still Possible?

The British literary critic Christopher Booker claims that there are only 7 original stories, and that all other stories fit into one of the following 7 categories:

1. Comedy - A story with a happy ending, usually romantic or family-oriented.
2. Tragedy - Hero with a fatal flaw meets a tragic end.
3. Overcoming the Monster - Basically man vs. nature...or the supernatural I suppose, whatever.
4. Voyage and Return - The hero faces his or her trials by leaving and then returning home.
5. Quest - The hero makes a journey for a symbolic item or person.
6. Rags to Riches - The riches in question can be literal or metaphoric.
7. Rebirth - Where the hero finds a new reason for living or is given a new lease on life somehow.

If you think about any movie, book, play, game, etc. you will see that every single one of them fits into one of the 7 categories above or is a mix of a few of them. How is it then that so many stories can be made that capture our imagination and are hailed as creative masterpieces? Obviously, it is more than the basic plot of a story that makes it original. The characterization, descriptive elements, writing style and voice all play a part in a story's originality. Look at Star Wars. Its the basic hero journey/redemption story thats been told as long as words have been recorded, but for some reason multiple generations adore it. Love it or hate it, its a good example of an already-been-done idea that still manages to seem fresh and exciting (Lucas isn't even that good a writer or idea man, but I digress).

At this point though, after so many centuries of humanity creating stories, are we in danger of losing our originality? How long will it be before every story really has been told, or will that ever happen, and why? It seems like everything nowadays can be written off as "X meets Z". Fringe, one of my favorite new shows, can easily be described as "X Files meets Heroes" (or whatever two shows it reminds you of). Its an awesome show, but I have to admit it pretty much has been done before, just not as good. We're even at the point now where simple one-off stories are being made into franchises because the first one made money, or old ass properties are being "reimagined" for a new (stupider?) audience. Its an obvious example of the business end getting more creative control than the creative end. Why bother thinking up something new if you haven't wrung the life out of your cash cow? All these things just point to a loss of creativity. There are some original things out there, but they seem to be getting fewer and farther between.

Will we get to a point where there is no new way to tell these 7 stories, or will human ingenuity and progress keep imagination flowing?

Tokyo Paradise Ska Orchestra

The Japanese just have their own way of doing things, and ska has always been kind of an eclectic thing. Put the two together and you get the most awesome thing EVER. I dare you not to stare in wonder at the video below. I also dare you not be happy when you listen to these guys.  If you like what you see, check out their related videos, I have yet to find one that is not ridiculously fun.

Heroes is Over

Thanks to NBC finally coming to their senses, the convoluted mess known as Heroes has officially been canceled. For a show that started really strong, Heroes became a mess almost right after season 1. I can't even go into how many mistakes that show made. Lets face it, the geeks of the world don't take shit from nobody...at least over the internet. We will question everything, and you damn well better have a good reason for doing what you do or you will face the wrath of internet-geek-hate the likes of which you would not believe. There were so many plot holes and unexplained actions in this show that it became fodder for nerd sites the world over. Somebody at NBC has a brain in their head though, because they realized that this show was just unsalvageable. Good riddance.

Bad Driver #832 - The Fastlane Slowpoke

This is the first in a series of rants about rude, unthoughtful and just plain dumb people that are somehow still allowed to get behind the wheel of automobiles, whose sole reason for existence seems to be making my life miserable when I'm on the road...well, me and the other 10% of humanity that actually knows how to drive.

The inside lane of a freeway is generally called the fastlane for a reason. Slower traffic drives in the outer lanes, while faster vehicles drive in the inner lane. Its not rocket science. For some reason though, theres always some miserable piece of crap that thinks that the fastlane is their personal lollygag zone. Say the speed limit is 70mph. That means that traffic in the fastlane is probably going about 75-80mph. But lo and behold! I'll eventually come up on some jerk going 60mph while cars in the lane to the right are flying past them (the fact that cars in the slower lanes are GOING FASTER THAN YOU should be a clue, moron). They've got like 10 cars piled up behind them, all riding each others asses and getting impatient because one asshole thinks they own the lane. Even if I give these fools the benefit of the doubt, that only upgrades their status to "ignorant peabrain" instead of "sadistic control freak". Either way the solution is clear: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY. I'm only asking people to do what I do in the same situation. If you see a car racing up behind you, don't be a douchebag. Change lanes and let them pass.

Whats even worse is that when you change lanes to pass them and try to give them the stinkeye or a good fist-shaking they don't even have the courtesy to make eye contact and take the insult, they just keep their eyes forward, likely contemplating who will get eliminated on the next American Idol or some other deep, meaningful thought.

Let me break it down for you. When you act a fool and drive slower than the traffic in your lane, you are affecting the lives of dozens, maybe hundreds of people around you for the worse. I know you're probably listening to a really good Celine Dion song and its taking you away to a magical land of French-Canadian wonder, but snap out of it and come back to the human race. If people just paid a little more attention to how their actions affected those around them the world would probably be an infinitely better place. I know I'm asking way too much of humanity when reality TV is the number one form of entertainment, but a guy can dream.

8 Websites You Need to Stop Building

The Oatmeal continues to inform and enlighten with this look at website trends that just need to stop. Damn straight.

Thinning the Herd

I was watching an episode of Fringe tonight and one of the scenes got me thinking. Dr. Walter Bishop was up to his usual antics, this time in a grocery store. He was looking at the ingredients in a box of toaster pastries and became completely unhinged when he saw how many ingredients in the sweet snacks could potentially kill you with high enough doses (If you don't watch Fringe, the guy is a genius, he knows his lethal chemicals). He started screaming about how the grocery store was trying to kill everyone and how the ingredients in said pastries could give a person cancer.

Maybe it was due to the conspiracy-laden theme of the show, but I had a thought. Why does the FDA allow so many dangerous substances in our food? Why are things like cigarettes and energy drinks legal? Why does the medical industry work so hard to improve our lifespans while it seems like other administrations have no problem with us killing ourselves slowly?

I'm not a crazy conspiracy theorist (well OK, I'm not a conspiracy theorist anyways), but what if its all about population control? We are a pretty overpopulated species. What if the FDA and the world governments allow all that crap in food as well as cigarettes and other unhealthy things because they know it will keep the population in check? It even goes further if you consider how many diseases there are no cures for. Maybe there have been cures but they've been covered up. Think about it: If science and medicine could cure EVERYTHING and if the FDA made more stringent regulations that kept us all healthier, there'd be way too many people! We'd be bumping into each other everywhere we went, and worse we'd spread to every available inch of the planet that was sustainable...only it wouldn't be sustainable for long because we would ruin it all. I'm no environmental hippy/liberal, its just a fact that we fuck everything up.

So, under the guise of "free choice" we are allowed to eat fast food and snacks that have ingredients most people can barely pronounce, smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol. All the while we're killing ourselves so that we don't overpopulate the planet. I don't know, just something to think about.

...and as a smoker and snacker, you're welcome for me doing my part to keep the population under control. Take up a bad habit now and help your fellow humans!

Obligatory 1st Post

Yup, just another blog by some random jerk who thinks people want to read what he has to say. I suppose this is more of an exercise for myself than any of you knuckleheads, but I hope you find some enjoyment on this page. Even if you think I totally suck, you can at least come for the movie trailers and YouTube links, of which there will most likely be plenty. Have a wonderful day.