Bad Driver #832 - The Fastlane Slowpoke

This is the first in a series of rants about rude, unthoughtful and just plain dumb people that are somehow still allowed to get behind the wheel of automobiles, whose sole reason for existence seems to be making my life miserable when I'm on the road...well, me and the other 10% of humanity that actually knows how to drive.

The inside lane of a freeway is generally called the fastlane for a reason. Slower traffic drives in the outer lanes, while faster vehicles drive in the inner lane. Its not rocket science. For some reason though, theres always some miserable piece of crap that thinks that the fastlane is their personal lollygag zone. Say the speed limit is 70mph. That means that traffic in the fastlane is probably going about 75-80mph. But lo and behold! I'll eventually come up on some jerk going 60mph while cars in the lane to the right are flying past them (the fact that cars in the slower lanes are GOING FASTER THAN YOU should be a clue, moron). They've got like 10 cars piled up behind them, all riding each others asses and getting impatient because one asshole thinks they own the lane. Even if I give these fools the benefit of the doubt, that only upgrades their status to "ignorant peabrain" instead of "sadistic control freak". Either way the solution is clear: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY. I'm only asking people to do what I do in the same situation. If you see a car racing up behind you, don't be a douchebag. Change lanes and let them pass.

Whats even worse is that when you change lanes to pass them and try to give them the stinkeye or a good fist-shaking they don't even have the courtesy to make eye contact and take the insult, they just keep their eyes forward, likely contemplating who will get eliminated on the next American Idol or some other deep, meaningful thought.

Let me break it down for you. When you act a fool and drive slower than the traffic in your lane, you are affecting the lives of dozens, maybe hundreds of people around you for the worse. I know you're probably listening to a really good Celine Dion song and its taking you away to a magical land of French-Canadian wonder, but snap out of it and come back to the human race. If people just paid a little more attention to how their actions affected those around them the world would probably be an infinitely better place. I know I'm asking way too much of humanity when reality TV is the number one form of entertainment, but a guy can dream.